Friday 12th February 1988

we broke up from school today for a week “YIPPEE!!”

I think Fay loves me because Katie was doing sign language to her and I know what it meant. It meant do you love Neil and Fay nodded her head. I'll just have to see if she does on sunday (I hope she does) 2 days to go!!! couldn't charge my car up so I didn't race tonight but I went to watch. Alex Stole spent about 40 pence on me tonight he bought me a bottle of coke and twelve penceworth of sweets my arm's dead tired so I’m stopping.

Ok so... anyone else bored of the Fay thing yet? I know I am. The best bit of this particular episode of obsession in my opinion is the bit in parentheses... really? You hope she does? I would never have thought that, it's a good job you told us/yourself.

Radio controlled car racing was wicked, but I was let down by my battery charger a lot. I really vividly remember Alex Stowell (for that is how one actually spells his name) spending all that money on me. It's never really come back to me before I sit and write this but I really really remember it... how very strange. Oh and 28p for a bottle of coke, them weret' days.

Thursday 11th February 1988

guess what?! Fay and Julian are in love Fay must be going daft. I went to the doctors tonight and I can't go swimming tomorrow (thank goodness) because of my verucca. I was going to go with Julian so I’m glad I’m not going. Julian is going in the morning and Fay is going in the afternoon ha! ha! ha!

I think what we're beginning to piece together here is that I have no real concept of what love is and my grasp on what is actually happening in the world around me is tenuous. Oh and I had not yet quite got the hang of punctuation.

I hated swimming, I only learned when I was about this age and therefore the smell of chlorine made me nervous (and still causes butterflies to be honest, even though I’m a reasonable swimmer now... sort of). Quite what I did instead is another matter.

Oh and my vindictive side comes out once more. Didn't mention Valentine's day though did I?

Wednesday 10th February 1988

It's Andrew Quince's birthday today and Fay hasn't bought him a present ha! Ha! I think i'll stick with Boris and Oscar for the guinea pigs. 4 days to go. I've just had a brilliant plan I will write a valentines card to myself and pretend it's from someone else that will get my mum guessing. I hope Andrew gets drunk at his party and has a hangover tomorrow it will serve him right!

So jealous, so vindictive, so deluded.

'Brilliant plan'? Really? Is that really a brilliant plan? Is that even a plan? Do you think I even did it? And who am I trying to trick? Not the woman of my dreams who may become slightly intrigued by the fact I have a secret admirer? My best friend who may be jealous of the fact I have someone after me? Nope... my mum; the person in the world most likely to be able to spot the fact it was from me in the 1^st place. I sincerely hope that I am not still like this little dweeb in the most part.

And what do you think the chances of Andrew getting drunk at his 11^th birthday party were eh?

(on a very serious note here, Andrew died a few years back – we really got on at school and although I hadn't seen him since his brief spell working in the same factory in the summer of 97 it was still hard to hear of his untimely death, RIP chap.)

Tuesday 9th February 1988

Fay and Andrew Quince are in love so much for my girlfriend! I've thought about Boris and Oscar. Lizzy thought of Blacky and Ginger. They're the only things that happened today. It is Kelly's birthday today.

I am entirely unsure whether the relationships that Fay seems to fall in and out of are not just in my head. It seems wrong.

The names are the guinea pig suggestions, in case you were wondering.

Never mentioned Kelly before have I? Not sure why that is, but remember the name for later...

Monday 8th February 1988

“Ouch”! I've had the rest of my verucca taken off today if you want to know what the nurse did see monday 25^th January. 6 days to go!!!!! Fay said she isn't sending any cards out but I think she's just saying that so if I get one from her I won't know who its from didn't go to Judo tonight because of my verucca. Good news I’m getting two male guinea pigs (both long haired) one black one and one ginger they haven't got any names yet so I’ll be thinking about that I might put some in this diary.

Poor delusional little lad. The ups and downs of whether Fay and I are ever going to get married seem to be the theme that runs through this diary so far... spoiler alert! I didn't marry her. It strikes me that although now my best friends would say that I live my life out loud, I really do keep quite a lot in. This diary is testament to the fact that if I were to vocalise every thought I had, I imagine most people would have stopped talking to me by now. I’m not saying I still think like this but I can still just about identify with where I was coming from... just about. I’m not convinced I believed myself but in this diary it kinda seems like I was writing it for someone else – as evidenced by the 'see monday the 25^th January' bit.

Have I ever mentioned judo before? Didn't think so. I’m weird. Oh and you will not believe how many suggestions/ideas for names for the guinea pigs are in the entries ahead...

Sunday 7th February 1988

Auntie Joyce Grandad and Auntie Em came today and I played on my computer at chuckie egg and Arcadians they were the only things that happened today apart from I went to church and after I played with my radio controlled car outside.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! You're a retard! If you really feel like nothing happened, try doing a bit more! Even if these were 'the only things' that happened I’m sure there's a story in there somewhere. Aunty Joyce was cool, Grandad (not my real grandad, he was in his 90s and was my Aunty Joyce(not my real aunty... sorry...)'s dad) was fruppin hilarious. Where did I play with my car? What the hecking cup is Arcadians?

Saturday 6th February 1988

Comic relief raised over 10 million pounds!!! Nothing much happened today apart from we went to Pamela and Matthews. 8 days to go I don't think I’m going to make it!

Are you beginning to see where I got the name of the blog? Nothing much happened today apart from... Pamela and Matthew were loads of fun to be around, Matthew and I used to watch Star Wars ep IV on Betamax every time we went to their house, and we pretty much always used to play hide and seek amongst many other games... it was always a proper laugh and I loved going there... I just wish I had the foresight to actually make this diary an actual note of events that would otherwise go unrecorded. Instead you get a fact that you can look up on the interwebs. No one needs to know what Comic Relief 88 made on the night, tell me about what made you nearly wet yourself laughing about!

I’m beginning to get weirded out by the countdown to Valentine's day. I've read ahead and I know what's going to happen...