Thursday 31 December 2015

Friday 26th February 1988

too tired to write much but the cold is a throat infection and no school today.

How am I supposed to work with this? 

I honestly have no idea what to write here so I might as well document something that happened to me a few years after this diary was written and has stuck with me since.


I used to walk home every day at lunch time when I was doing my A levels, it was (and still is) about a mile to my parents' house from school, uphill on the way home and surprisingly downhill on the way to school. 


One drizzly day I was walking back down Green Lane (for Dronfield/Coal Aston locals I got as far as Holmesdale Road) when the woman pushing her pram on the opposite footpath slid a little and yelped as she went. I was watching as time slowed down and she angrily flicked her foot up behind her to see what she'd trodden in. The general dampness of the environment and footpath had somewhat overmoistened the already fairly sloppy dog turd now covering her sole. Time slowed down further and I witnessed the arc of brown crud as it slowly and unstoppably made its way to her ill-advisedly open mouth/nose/eyes... time snapped back to 1s/s as she simultaneously screamed very loudly and threw up. I think she saw me, I know she heard me laugh and then absolutely leg it down the road to school, I did not stop until I got there and saw someone to tell. 


I have been in situations since where I have giggled uncontrollably for hours but there's only one other situation which has remained with me for long enough for it to have been told over and over. I'll put that in next time 10 year old Neil lets us down with a lack of content.

3 comments:

  1. I thought I was going to die when you told me that story on my stag do. Never laughed so hard in my life

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    Replies
    1. no one has ever reacted so perfectly to it sir, you're a good man.

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  2. I've just read this again and I have no idea what the other story is that I am keeping in my pocket... I am mildly concerned.

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